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Death of a Loved One

This will be a short entry as I am inconsolable as I write this. Kindly say a prayer for the death of a beloved—my fourth toenail on my right foot.

Tombstone

His death came like a thief in the night. This morning, when I woke up for my early morning run, he was in the pink of health. As I slipped my socks past him, I sensed that something was not right. I checked my 2nd toe and, yes, I had wrapped it with micropore tape to protect it from blisters. So, what could be wrong? I was late so, with much hesitation, I put my shoes on and rushed out the door.

Being the last running session before the Champion Race, we kept it light and easy today. We ran around 7k at a comfortable pace before we called it a day. When I got home, I tossed my shoes and socks unto the hamper and got the shock of my life.

There he was—my badly bruised toenail gasping for his last breath and then fading away. He was gone.

The entire toenail is now black with bluish tints (must I get so graphic?) and it is slightly painful when touched. I doubt if it will trouble me during the race, but its sheer ugliness is bothersome for me. Oh, the sacrifices one must undertake as a runner!

As I type these words in grief, only one thought comes to mind: Will my feet still look good in Havaianas?

Posted on 05.18.07 to 01 Bullish Insights. Tags: , , , . Subscribe to follow comments on this post. 10 comments. Add your thoughts or trackback from your own site.

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10 Responses to “Death of a Loved One”

  1. Hi Jaymie! I had a blast reading your (whole) blog — aside from “experiencing” your passion for running, I enjoyed your writing style as well. You look so fit … well, you were never big to start of with. Jammy must be so proud of your accomplishments in running, not to mention being a wonderful mother, wife and entreprenuer.

    I used to run long, long ago … actually, I was a sprinter … don’t think I could ever last in a marathon. Only recently, January this year, I started to exercize regularly — with the big 4-0 coming really soon, aches and pains started to come in. I have done a program in plyometrics and will do another one in June when the kids are back at school. I also play badminton, go boxing, and just recently started rowing (along the Pasig river!). You will notice that I need variety, I get bored doing the same activity in a week. I’ve been longing to run (even just laps at Ultra), but none of my friends seem interested in doing this with me. (I have 2 pairs of running shoes and nowhere to use them — actually, I really need it for plyo). I’m the type of person who needs someone there with me so that I won’t all of a sudden find an excuse not to go. I’ve felt the urge to run more during my plyo sessions since I was placed in the athletes training program — I had so much excess energy. I never thought exercizing could feel this good since I have been on the “mommy mode” for so long, I’m sure you know how you put your needs and desires at the back seat. Just the same, all these are done while the kids are at school or busy with an activity … and of course somewhere between work.

    Anyway, I’m really proud of your discipline and accomplishments. Keep it up! Take care!

    Hazel

    Hazel Perez-Villonco said on May 18 07 at 4:17 PM Reply

  2. welcome to the club miss jaymie! :)

    thanks to being an addict, now I can only wear my sandals at home.

    ~ben

    Ben said on May 18 07 at 5:07 PM Reply

  3. My condolences on your loss. I, too, have recently suffered a recent tragedy similar to yours only due to an industrial accident (I dropped a box of granite tile on my big toe) and am in stricken with such grief (pain) that I am unable to do those things I love (I can’t run because it hurts…). Just know that, with time and love, this will heal and something new will grow in it’s place (Just keep running and everything will be fine)…
    …sheesh… I shoulda been a greeting card writer…
    Keep running!

    dabigleap said on May 18 07 at 10:24 PM Reply

  4. I will say it again and maybe this will be the last time–buy new running shoes. You should bury your current shoes. Jam says you should have your shoes bronzed to immortalize it.

    Good luck tom and to Annie too. Will train with you next week. By the way, check out windowshoppingspree.blogspot.com. I did it! Send to your friends.

    Mayi said on May 19 07 at 2:13 PM Reply

  5. Dear Jaymie,

    My heartfelt condolences on the death of your loved one. I could only sympathize with you. I know the feeling ‘coz the same fate happened to me before. Don’t worry. Time heals all wounds. Don’t let it hinder you for finishing the 10k run tomorrow.

    Good luck!
    Nora

    Nora del Rosario said on May 19 07 at 2:16 PM Reply

  6. Hey, thanks everyone!
    Mayi, hahaha maybe I will have my shoes bronzed :) Actually, I’ve been looking for a good replacement but haven’t found THE perfect shoe. I think the people at New Balance know me already because I keep on trying on their shoes there. I’m just having a hard time replacing mine because its width is B. It turns out the local stores only sell the D width so they feel too wide for me.
    Yahoo, congrats on your blog! I’ll visit it soon. Anton’s bugging me already because he wants to play hot wheels!
    Nora, Ben, and dabigleap, thanks for letting me know that I am so not alone—we all have (or had) dead toenails! Yey! :)

    bullrunner said on May 19 07 at 4:13 PM Reply

  7. I feel for you. On July, it would be the first year death anniv of both my big toe nails. At least the fourth one is a just a little guy. Our advantage to guys is we could always cover it up with any cool shade of nail polish. Guess you’re not a runner if no toenails die. :)

    Michelle said on May 21 07 at 7:20 PM Reply

  8. My condolences too! It’s going to be a long wait for that to grow anew! :) I had a super long one before.

    renz said on May 21 07 at 11:48 PM Reply

  9. Very humorous, Bull. Wow, I wish my writing abilities can come close to yours. Don’t despair the “dead” toenail. I prefer to refer to it as the black toenail (in denial). Show it/her/him proudly as a badge of honor. Look at it not as the passing of a loved one, but a transformation that you are becoming more and more a serious runner.

    Now just go out there, get a pedicure and try to get proper fitting shoes :)

    E-Rod said on May 25 07 at 2:05 AM Reply

  10. E-Rod, funny you should mention the writing. I was thinking the same thing while reading your blog!
    I do need a pedicure asap. My 2-yr old daughter saw my feet then went from big toe to little toe saying “Pink. Pink. Pink. Not Pink” when she reached the 4th toe! Aaaah! :)

    bullrunner said on May 25 07 at 11:35 AM Reply

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